The Beagle's blog

Please Give My Butler A Job

Somebody please give my Butler a job!

I don't understand what "a job" is, but I know that my Butler runs around saying she doesn't have one, and I also know that I'm not getting a proper dinner, so I figure that her not having "a job" causes my lack of dinner.  But I don't understand the connection.  Whatever it is, my Butler better get "a job" soon because I'm starving.  Let me show you . . .

See, my usual dinner is meaty, beefy stew which my Butler makes.  Full of meat and veggies, with a sprig of rosemary on top.  Carrots which I like, are in it, and sweet potatoes which I like, and zucchini which I don't understand what it is but I like it.  She also adds celery which I don't like but I eat it.  I think she sneaks vitamins and medicine in the stew, and I pretend I like them, even though I don't, but I eat that stuff too.  My favorite parts are the stinky veggies like cauliflower and broccoli (best if it's frozen) and brussel sprouts.  My other favorite part is the meat, especially chicken and any other kind.  This is what I usually get for dinner and breakfast.  That's a picture of me sitting nicely waiting for it.

But my Butler doesn't have "a job" and she says we have to cut back on spending.  Why does "cut back on spending" mean I get really strange dinners?  Like canned salmon with quinoa and pumpkin and frozen broccoli.  What kind of a dinner is that?  I liked it, and I happily ate it, but it's not beefy stew, that's for sure.  I also have to eat a lot of Beagle Pal's new favorite meal - zucchini omelet.  (I just don't understand zucchini.)  We have that at least twice a week.  The other day she made a thing called salad which I ate.  It was really good because there were my favorite stinky veggies in it - cabbage, beets, parsnip, celery, apple, carrots, and she probably snuck in some more vitamins and such.

But where's my stew?!

Oh, and the other day?  I went to the trouble of wagging my tail when she said "Let's have a snack" and she gives me, what?  Non-fat yogurt with frozen blueberries and cherries on it.  I love those little round frozen blue rolling things, and with yogurt they were really good.  But where's my stew?

Don't get me wrong.  Me and Beagle Pal aren't starving.  We're getting 2 meals a day even though they're weird, plus cookies - new ones! made with peanut butter and jelly - plus snacks, plus whatever else we find while out on walks.  But I do miss stew.

So, whatever the connection is between "a job" and stew, we need both around here.

Butler Gets Her Butt Bit

I take my Butler and my beagle pal on an outing everyday.  Sometimes we go for a walk, sometimes we go to the people park or to the dog park, or go for a play date with my best dog friend that lives down the block.  I've never told you about my Butler, have I?  Well, she's the person that I live with and she takes care of me and she's usually one of my Top Five Favorite People.  She's a story for another day.

Well yesterday I took my Butler and my beagle pal for a walk.  Sometimes walks aren't very fun.  My Butler makes me walk too fast, doesn't give me sufficient time to sniff all that needs sniffing.  And my beagle pal pulls real hard on his leash and whines because he's so excited to FINALLY be out, as if me and him don't go out everyday, he's so embarrassing.  Well yesterday we were walking along, me sniffing, beagle pal pulling, my Butler sometimes swearing, and all of a sudden I smell fear.  Oh, how I dread when I small fear, especially when it comes from my Butler.  She's a human, she's the provider of food, she takes care of All, so when I smell fear on her I get seriously worried.  I look around, trying to see through the fear I smell, and I see a BBD running right at us and the BBD doesn't look too friendly.  (Butler's Note:  "BBD" stands for big black dog, the Beagle's term for canines that dishonor the good name of Dog.)

Usually when we're out on a walk, we meet lots of nice dogs and people.  I love to go up to people and wag my tail and look up at them.  They think I'm just being sweet (socialized, humans call it), but really I'm looking for food, and when I find it that's when I really turn on the charm.  It's fun to calculate my chances of getting a cookie from any given person.  I've determined that this behavior pays off 6.432% of the time - not so good, but it's fun.  I also love to greet dogs, go and sniff their tail ends, touch noses, see how long it's been since the dog ate or pee'd.  But yesterday's BBD disgusted me too much to dignify its behavior with tail end sniffing.  With all of it's canine bad manners out for all to see, that BBD came running across the street at us and bit my Butler on her butt.  So disgraceful.  That is nothow a decent, self-respecting canine greets new people and dogs.  And to make it worse, the BBD just ran back home, without even one paw raised in appeasement.

I don't understand why dogs with bad manners like to show off how uneducated they are.  One would think an ill-mannered dog would try to disguise it's shortcomings rather than blatantly advertise them.  My Butler says it's not the dog's fault that it is so ill-mannered, it's the owner's fault.  It figures that a socially inept dog would have an "owner" instead of a Butler.

By the way, the BBD ignored me and my beagle pal.  I don't know what I would have done if that BBD had approached me; I'm not very diplomatic with poorly behaved BBDs.  But I am thankful it wasn't me that got bit on the butt, or any other place.

My Butler went to the human's veterinarian and was able to prepare my dinner that night, so I know she's okay.  Even so, me and my beagle pal stuck close by her that evening, she seemed as offended by the BBD's behavior as I was.  The next day things were back to normal, and I think she even gave us cookies.