The Beagle's blog

The Beagle Knows Biscuit Company's website

Apparently, The Beagle Knows Biscuit Company's website redirects you here to my blog, and if you want to order cookies from us, you do it here.  And I say it's about time that I take over the cookie business.  I love the brownies (beef liver - yum!) and chicken cake (it's even got chicken frosting!), so I am better suited to run a cookie business.  Humans - can they do anything right?

Jobs

Remember I told you before that somehow having a job is the same as having stew for dinner and how my Butler didn't have a job so I was getting weird dinners?  In the mean time, my Butler now has a bunch of part-time jobs; they're not much, but they keep stew in the freezer.  Well, a funny thing happened.  I've been offered a job.

It happened like this.  One day my Butler took me and Beagle Pal to a thing called An Event where there were about a million dogs and people, and the smell of cookies filled the air.  So many people!  So many cookies!  There was a kitchen at The Event, which is where me and Beagle Pal hung out, and there was a school too.  It's at the school the funny thing happened.

Now, when I was a puppy my Butler used to take me to school.  She'd put me in the car and say "Do you want to go to school and see Heather?" and I'd start whining because I love school because I got food there.  Heather was in charge at the school and she is my #2 Favorite Person.  Heather taught my Butler how to give me cookies when I did things like SIT and WAVE and WHISPER.  So when I saw a school at The Event I calculated my chances of cookies would increase by 63% if I could drag my Butler over there.

The person at this school wasn't Heather, but she was like Heather, telling me to do things and handing out treats and praise.  Me and my Butler showed Like Heather all the things we do together and Like Heather said she wanted to give me a job.  Me!  Not my Butler!  I know it was me because she said "I'd like to give The Beagle a job".  My Butler's ears pricked at that, for sure.

Like Heather says I could be on TV.  She said that if my Butler trained me some more (imagine, my Butler training me!  It goes the other way around!) and if I got my CGC certification I could become a studio-savvy dog and be on TV.  I don't know what it means but that is what the job is that Like Heather offered.  My Butler said okay.

I got to work soon as I had a nap after The Event and taught my Butler another way to give me a cookie when I sit up.  She calls it BEG.  Stay tuned and I'll let you know when I'm studio-savvy.

Things I Really Like

Here is a list of things I really like.  If you live with a dog, or if you are a dog, you'll know why I like these things.  So here is my list of things:

I like food.  All foods, edible or not.  I like breakfast food, and dinner food, and food I find in shrubs on walks, and food at the park, and food my Butler drops in the kitchen, and Beagle Pal's food, and my friends' food (what is kibble?), and food my vet gives me.  My favorite foods are: Toast, peanut butter, meat, apples, pasta, cheese, lip balm, hot dogs, eggs, cookies,rabbit poo, yogurt, salad, carrots, popcorn, frozen broccoli, potatoes, medicine (I've been told medicine isn't food, but I think it tastes like cheese), pencils, cabbage, rose hips on the vine, pizza, french fries, ice cream, watermelon.  And everything else.

I like sleeping.  After I get up in the morning, I go and take a nap.  By then breakfast is ready, I eat it, and after breakfast I take a nap.  Throughout the day I try to get in a dozen or so good quality naps.  Sometimes I make my Butler SIT and STAY while I nap, although she's not so good at this.  I have learned to keep one ear awake while the rest of me naps so I can run in the kitchen soon as I hear food getting ready.  Pretty cool trick.

I like being outside without a leash.  That way I can run to Favorite Person's house to see if she has any food for me.  I like to tease my Butler, pretend I'll not go back to the house.  You know, you step off the sidewalk, nonchalently walk towards the middle of the street, stand around a bit.  My Butler's going mad all the while.  Then you run like crazy to the front door.  Ha!  And they say dog's can't tell jokes!

I like going on walks with my Butler when Beagle Pal stays home.  We don't have to go as fast, I get time to sniff, and it's like the old days when it was just me and my Butler.

I like visiting people.  Sometimes we go in the car to visit people, sometimes we meet people on walks, sometimes people come to the house.  If you wag your tail and look cute, you might get a cookie from people.

There are other things I like, although not as much.  Like going on a walk when Beagle Pal comes along, or going to the dog park, or having a bath, or driving around to find rabbits to bark at.

That's about it.  As you can see, I'm a simple dog, really, not too demanding.  Don't you wish you had a dog just like me?

I Can't Find My Friend

 

Where is she?  This is Big Black Dog That Licks My Face.  I haven't seen her in a long time, I don't know where she went, and I don't know how to ask my Butler where she is.

Last time I saw her she was at my house.  I know she hadn't been feeling well - I could tell by her scent she didn't feel good, but I don't know why.  She was slower, a little wobbly, but she was happy and she'd lick my face all the time, and she liked to spend the day at my house with me and the Butler and Beagle Pal.  She was at my house the last time I saw her.  She, my Butler, and Favorite Person - Big Black Dog That Licks My Face's person - they all drove away together in the car that day.  That was the last time I saw her.  Where did they go?  My Butler and Favorite Person came back smelling of the vet's office, but Big Black Dog That Licks My Face did not return.

Now when I go visit Favorite Person I look for Big Black Dog That Licks My Face.  But she's not there.  All her toys are gone, and there's no more kibble in her bowl.  No more bowl either, come to think of it.

Where did she go?  I miss her.  How do I ask Favorite Person where she is?  I can smell that my Butler and Favorite Person are sad when they talk about her.  I hear them say her name; they call her Xena.

I would like to see Big Black Dog That Licks My Face again.  She was my first friend.

I'm An Itchy Dog

Hey, all you itchy dogs out there, got some good ideas to share with you.  My Butler says I have atopic dermatitis because I'm allergic to something I breathe in.  I scratch my belly and chew my feet, and have little red, flaky itchy spots all over.  If you do too, SIT, because I'm going to tell you what my Butler does to make me feel better.  Finding itch relief things, that's one thing my Butler really excels at.  That and making dinner.

Here are our top 10 things that releive itching:
1.  Neem.  Wow, I love neem, it smells just terrible!  I'd love to roll in it, but my Butler puts it in shampoo and washes me with it.  Makes taking baths tolerable because the shampoo stinks so much better.  Here's what you do, you get plain ol' liquid castille soap, dump in some neem oil, some neem powder, and dilute it with water.  Shake it up.  We call it "shampew" because of the smell - like garlic and poo.  Yum!

2.  Neem.  We just started this.  I get a tiny treat once a day.  A little neem gummy bean.  We figure, neem works so well on the outside, maybe it will work from the inside too.  I always appreciate additional things to eat.

3.  Neem.  Get your Butler to mix some neem oil with some organic aloe gel and some organic glycerin.  Shake it up.  The glycerin acts as an emuslifier to hold the aloe and oil together.  Cooling, not greasy like a lotion, deliciously stinky, healing.

4.  Here's what we use to keep my ears clean.  Mix a solution of 2% boric acid and 2% acetic acid.  It's a good ear cleaner and after-shampoo rinse.  My Butler also uses this to wash my feet and belly after a walk to prevent me from digesting in the dirt when I chew my feet.

5.  Real food.  The one thing that I can't tolerate is processed food.  Don't get me wrong, I love processed food, any kind of food, really.  But it makes me really miserable-itchy.  So, no kibble, no 'Greenies' (which made me barf anyway), no store-bought cookies, no rawhide chews, no doggy toothpaste, no In 'n' Out.  You itchy dogs got to get your owner/mom/care-taker/guardian/master to make your meals from grocery store things.  Stew, omelet, peanut butter sandwich, frozen berries and yogurt, ice cream, watermelon, salmon and rice.  Clean, quality, chemical-free food.

6.  Tea tree oil.  Wow I hate this stuff!  My Butler puts it on or in something, I can smell it a mile away, and I run for the dog door.  But, it makes the red itchy spots go away.  Wish she'd just use neem oil, it tastes so much better when I lick it off.

7.  Exercise and activity.  This keeps me busy and happy and I love to go to school.  I love to go on walks, without Beagle Pal, just me and my Butler.  Even though I'm allergic to stuff in the air, and even though I sniff everything, being outside makes me feel better.  And visiting people, seeing my dog trainer Favorite Person, relieves my itchiness because people love me.

8.  A clean environment.  My Butler got a HEPA vacuum and uses HEPA air filters for the house.  This helps a lot.  If she keeps the bedding washed and my sofa vacummed, I feel better.  Why doesn't she do this everyday?

9.  Cool, damp weather.  Now, since I live in southern California we only get 5 or 6 days a year that are  cool and damp.  And I love those days.  No allergies to breath in, no itchiness to scratch.  We go on long walks and my Butler gets lost and we back track and I run in the grass and it's the best weather.

10.  A Butler.  This is the number one thing you itchy dogs need.  You need someone willing to try all sorts of things to see what works.  Someone who knows no limits to doing that which is necessary for your health and comfort.  Someone you can train to do what you need to feel better.  I am so thankful I got a Butler.

I know I'll never get rid of the allergies, I'll always be an itchy dog.  It's part of what makes me The Beagle.  I wonder if my Butler could make neem cookies . . .

Ode to Chicken Stew

I was inspired the other day to write a song.  This is my song of Thanks and Insufficiency.  I borrowed the tune of Home On The Range, maybe you know it?  If so, you can sing this song.

Oh, fill me a bowl
With the best food I know
Chicken, livers, green veggies and rice.
Freshly made specially
By my Butler for me
Its aroma it does you entice.

Aaaarrrrooooo Chicken Stew!
Chicken, livers, green veggies and rice.
Only two meals a day?
Wait, don't put it away
Nine or ten meals would better suffice.

 

Please Give My Butler A Job

Somebody please give my Butler a job!

I don't understand what "a job" is, but I know that my Butler runs around saying she doesn't have one, and I also know that I'm not getting a proper dinner, so I figure that her not having "a job" causes my lack of dinner.  But I don't understand the connection.  Whatever it is, my Butler better get "a job" soon because I'm starving.  Let me show you . . .

See, my usual dinner is meaty, beefy stew which my Butler makes.  Full of meat and veggies, with a sprig of rosemary on top.  Carrots which I like, are in it, and sweet potatoes which I like, and zucchini which I don't understand what it is but I like it.  She also adds celery which I don't like but I eat it.  I think she sneaks vitamins and medicine in the stew, and I pretend I like them, even though I don't, but I eat that stuff too.  My favorite parts are the stinky veggies like cauliflower and broccoli (best if it's frozen) and brussel sprouts.  My other favorite part is the meat, especially chicken and any other kind.  This is what I usually get for dinner and breakfast.  That's a picture of me sitting nicely waiting for it.

But my Butler doesn't have "a job" and she says we have to cut back on spending.  Why does "cut back on spending" mean I get really strange dinners?  Like canned salmon with quinoa and pumpkin and frozen broccoli.  What kind of a dinner is that?  I liked it, and I happily ate it, but it's not beefy stew, that's for sure.  I also have to eat a lot of Beagle Pal's new favorite meal - zucchini omelet.  (I just don't understand zucchini.)  We have that at least twice a week.  The other day she made a thing called salad which I ate.  It was really good because there were my favorite stinky veggies in it - cabbage, beets, parsnip, celery, apple, carrots, and she probably snuck in some more vitamins and such.

But where's my stew?!

Oh, and the other day?  I went to the trouble of wagging my tail when she said "Let's have a snack" and she gives me, what?  Non-fat yogurt with frozen blueberries and cherries on it.  I love those little round frozen blue rolling things, and with yogurt they were really good.  But where's my stew?

Don't get me wrong.  Me and Beagle Pal aren't starving.  We're getting 2 meals a day even though they're weird, plus cookies - new ones! made with peanut butter and jelly - plus snacks, plus whatever else we find while out on walks.  But I do miss stew.

So, whatever the connection is between "a job" and stew, we need both around here.

My Favorite Dog Friends

I've told you about my favorite humans, so today I'll tell you about my favorite dog friends.  In no particular order.

Happy Dog.  She is always happy.  Even when she's home, not really doing anything, just sniffing around.  She's so happy.  Well, she is a terrier, and they're like that - always ready to GO.  She's happy to play with toys, happy to eat kibble, happy when we come over, and happy to go on a walk.  We both like food, smelly things, chasing squirrels, and food.  Happy Dog lives on my street, but I think my butler forgets that because when we walk by her house - especially in the middle of the day - my Butler just walks by without stopping.  So I have to pull real hard to the front door to remind my Butler that this is Happy Dog's house and we should go inside.

Big Black Dog That Licks My Face.  She's the first friend I met when I moved in with my Butler.  She's a lot bigger than me, but so gentle; I was only 8 or 10 weeks old when we met and she was so friendly.  Back then, when we were young, we used to chase up and down the fence but then I stubbed my toe on a sprinkler so I don't do that any more. Big Black Dog That Licks My Face lives with Favorite Person right next door so when an intruder, like the Man In The White Truck happens by, me and her and Beagle Pal all bark together and make an opera at the window (that's what my Butler calls it, the barking we make).  She likes food, she goes on walks with us, she pulls on the leash like me and Beagle Pal do, and we have sleep overs sometimes.  She also lives with a cat, and not just any cat, but Kitty.  Kitty is Beagle Pal's most favorite thing in the world.

Little Dog. I love Little Dog, but Beagle Pal with his questionable social skills scares him.  Little Dog lives next door, opposite from Big Black Dog That Licks My Face with his mom.  Little Dog has a mom, Big Black Dog That Licks My Face has a mom, Happy Dog has a guardian, and other dogs I know have owners.  Am I the only one to have a Butler?  Anyway, Little Dog lives with his mom and dad.  His Dad has lots of friends that get together during Beer Season, so Little Dog always has visitors and people that come over that might have cookies.  Little Dog loves food like me and my other friends.

Here are some pictures my Butler took one day when my pals were over.  We don't look happy because all the humans kept saying SIT!  DOWN!  STAY!  and we didn't know why, then some body was throwing cookies and we 3 girls are looking for them.

Other Friends I Don't See Too Often.

  

A homeless pup we kept a while.  My cousin in Texas.  Another beagle who was my friend when we were puppies and with whom I caused trouble with.  A youngster Beagle Pal loves.  A stray who lived with us a while.

A pretty good circle of friends.  And each comes with a human that potentially has cookies.

Beagle Pal's Pic!

My silly little pal, Beagle Pal, got his picture on a web site!  Good for you, Beagle Pal.  You may not have your own blog, and you can't wave or sit or show 2 paws or play hide and seek like I can, but if you got your picture on-line, you must not be all that bad.  It's not the best picture, my Butler took it while Beagle Pal was running, but it is pretty cute.  Don't you go getting all stuck-up now, just remember that I am The Beagle.

I'm Back

It's been a long time since I've been here, have you missed me?  My Butler says she's been too busy looking for a job to let me use the computer, and I don't complain about that because if there's no job, and if my Butler runs out of money, then I don't get dinner.  So, being the patient hound I am, I just waited.

I've been learning to find things around the house.  My Butler is teaching me.  Not that she looses things, but she knows I like to sniff so she invented this find it game.  It goes like this.  She shows me a stinky stick thing (Butler's note:  a Q-Tip holding essential oils drops), I sniff it, she tells me to stay in the kitchen, I stay in the kitchen and my Butler hides the stinky stick thing, then she says "find it", and that's when the fun starts.  It's so easy to find the stinky stick thing, I could run to it right away.  Instead, I go into every room in the house and I sniff and snort and scent the air and make a good show of being perhaps puzzled by its location, when all the time I know exactly where the scent is coming from.  Eventually I mosey over to where it is, put my nose close, turn and look at my Butler and sit.  That's when I get the cookie!  We used to do this without the stinky stick thing, my Butler would hide the cookie itself, but doing it this way it's a little harder and a lot funner.

Beagle Pal doesn't play the find it game, but he does follow us around.  Since he doesn't know how to stay in the kitchen, he follows the Butler and watches where the stinky stick thing gets hidden.  He usually gets a cookie while I'm sniffing around, and that's okay, it's his way of participating.

Can't you see it now?  Someday I'll be a drug-sniffing dog, or a cadaver dog, or part of The Beagle Brigade at airports.  The Beagle will be famous.

My Favorite People

Yesterday was my birthday and my Butler forgot.  Good thing my Favorite Person called to wish me a happy birthday, which admonished my Butler into finally acknowledging the day's Importance.  Can you imagine? my Butler forgot my birthday.  I'm so thankful to my Favorite Person.  So, I'd like to tell you about My Top Five Favorite People.

#1.  My number-one all-time favorite person is Favorite Person.  She lives next door and she takes care of The Big Dog That Licks My Face.  She's my favorite person because she doesn't give me baths or give me medicine.  The Big Dog That Licks My Face is so lucky to live with Favorite Person.  She doesn't give me as many cookies as my Butler does, and she doesn't go on outings with me as often as my Butler does, and she's not as easy to train as my Butler is, but she is my favorite person.

#2.  My second favorite person is The Lady That Teaches Me.  My Butler first took me to school when I was just a little puppy.  I love school.  I learned how to do really simple things like sit, and put my belly flat down, and stay, and wave my paw, and walk nice on a leash.  These were such simple things to learn because I got cookies!  The Lady That Teaches Me gave me cookies every time I sat on the floor.  Wow, I really loved school.  I'm not going to school anymore, but I still go see The Lady That Teaches Me and she still gives me cookies, so she is my second-favorite person.

#3.  My Butler is my third-favorite person, a close follow-up behind Favorite Person and The Lady That Teaches Me.  I like her because she gives me dinner, and goes out with me every day, and in general makes sure I am happy and healthy and have that which I need.  I got my Butler when I was only 8 weeks old, an excellent achievement for a puppy.  And while she was not easy to train, I finally taught her how I wanted things to be, and she is the person I seek out when I feel low or scared, she is the person I most depend on and count on.

#4.  My fourth favorite person is The Little Dog Who Runs Fast's mom.  She lives next door, but on the opposite side from Favorite Person.  She takes care of a friend of mine, The Little Dog Who Runs Fast.  She's a really nice person, she's easy to train, and she's the only person in the area who considers herself a "mom" to the dog she takes care of.  The Little Dog Who Runs Fast is lucky to have a mom.

#5.  I'm not ashamed to say that my Favorite Vet is my #5 favorite person.  Many dogs will growl in protest to know I like my doctor, but I'm proud to admit I do.  I have numerous vets that take care of me, but my Favorite Vet is my favorite.  She's so gentle, and she works really hard to keep my allergies away.  I am allergic to everything, and my Favorite Vet helps me get over it and feel better.  She never gives me cookies, but I like her just the same.

Those are my most favorite people.  At some later point I'll tell you about my best dog friends.